blindsided

Well I had an ultrasound this morning to see what was going on and Dr. RE said that she thinks I need to move on to IVF. Definitely was not prepared to hear that. It may sound ignorant, but I really did not think we were ever going to have to go down that path. It was really hard to keep it together for the rest of the appointment, but I managed to hold back the tears until I left.

We decided to go one more cycle on Femara and to add in progesterone two days after ovulation. We are not expecting this one to work out, and will be discussing IVF options during this cycle.

Looking at Dr. RE’s website, there are several IVF “packages” to consider. The ones we would consider include Micro IVF, Conventional IVF and maybe the guaranteed IVF package (but probably not). From what I have heard, the guaranteed packages are usually a rip off, and I tend to agree. They cost almost three times as much as a conventional IVF cycle at our clinic. We know from when we conceived the triplets I will respond well to the medications and hopefully get plenty of eggs on the first try.

So, to any readers out there who have done IVF, any advice?

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cd2, fml

Yep, that’s right. CYCLE DAY 2. Clearly what I saw yesterday afternoon was NOT implantation bleeding. This cycle was 19 days long. I am assuming there is now a problem with luteal phase defect.

The last three cycles had very different luteal phases (15 days, 12 days, and now 8 days). Wtf.

I’ll update once I can get a call into Dr. RE today.

9dpo, I lied

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So I know I *said* I wasn’t going to discuss symptoms this cycle, but I lied. Here is what’s going on today:

Temp: still high
Boobs: achy
Uterus: slightly crampy
Other: implantation bleeding?

So yeah, this is why I got so excited and decided I had to post these. I am not 100% sure, but I think I saw implantation bleeding this afternoon.

Please oh please God, let me get pregnant and have a safe and LONG pregnancy with the same due date as my sweet angels in heaven!

4dpo, welcome to crazytown

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So at my ultrasound on Sunday, Dr. RE said there was a little fluid in my uterus and that that was “unusual”. We moved right on to the ovaries and I got distracted by their fabulous job giving us one big follicle so early on that I completely forgot to ask about it. Also, my lining was on the thin side…around 6.25mm (ideally want over 7mm).

So today I caved and googled “fluid in uterus”. Of course the results of that were not good….reasons varying from people having cycles canceled because of it (they say the fluid is toxic to embryos), to it being a sign of a tube blockage that would result in the removal of the tube(s), etc. NOT what I wanted to hear. So I emailed Dr. RE to see if she can give any insight, and I made sure to apologize if this turns out to actually be nothing more than hormones mixed with an overly analytical personality…

The second cherry on top of my sundae? I woke up this morning with a UTI. Grrr…

Unfortunately I think I am starting to put too much pressure on myself for this cycle to turn out positive…again.

3dpo

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Well I am three days in and things are going decently so far. Luckily I have a really busy weekend to distract me coming up! Also next Thursday we are leaving for a trip out to Portland for a long weekend. I have never been out there, but my husband was working out there a lot when we first started dating and has been wanting to take me ever since. I’m really excited about what he has told me about the amazing restaurants there!

This means that we will be out of town when I test. This also happened when I found out I was pregnant with the triplets. We were in Fort Myers…my husband was there for work and I tagged along because I used to live in Naples and still have a lot of friends in the area.

I am planning to take the test on the same day I did with the triplets, June 1. That will be 12dpo. With the triplets the test turned positive before I even got the chance to set it down. It was actually pretty funny because my husband was working all through the night that night and wouldn’t be back until 10am. I wanted to take the test with my first morning urine obviously, but woke up at 4:30am really having to go so I took the test without him (he wanted me to wait until he got back). So he got a blubbery phone call from me yelling out “I’m pregnant!”. Then, since I have no self control, I called my parents at 3:30am central time to tell them the news.

At least if we get a positive next week in Portland, the time zones will be working in favor for my parents. 🙂

Anyways, not much new here. I no longer evaluate any symptoms because I finally realized how pointless that is so I’ll have to come up with something else to talk about for the next week.

get in my uterus!

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We went into our day 11 ultrasound yesterday expecting that we would not be as lucky as last time to get one growing follicle. Both of us had a gut feeling we would be put in the annoying situation of having two strong follicles and needing to go through the whole egg retrieval process again for just one.

Believe me, we were STUNNED when we saw ONE mature follicle, measuring 21mm (on day 11!!). We got to trigger that morning! This by far exceeds what usually happens and I was so excited. Now for something even crazier? Turns out if this cycle works out, the baby will have the EXACT same due date as the triplets.

Also, my cousin gave birth to a healthy little boy yesterday, so I feel like there were all sorts of good baby vibes going around me that day. Let’s hope this one works out!

I was very saddened today to learn that the women behind two of the blogs I read appear to be miscarrying. My thoughts are prayers are with you both Belle and Kristin.

weigh in

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So before this infertility journey started I weighed between 112 and 117 lbs (I am 5’4″) for pretty much my entire life. I have always led a pretty healthy lifestyle as far as diet and exercise go, so although I didn’t have to work super crazy hard to be that weight, it wasn’t as though I have some incredible metabolism that was keeping me thin.

Then I started fertility treatments. Almost immediately after I began Clomid I noticed that I was putting on some extra weight. Unfortunately that continued until I reached 130 lbs after a few months on the medication. This weight WOULD NOT budge. No matter what dietary changes or exercise I did. This did not put me in the category of “overweight” but none of my clothes fit any more and it was frustrating to be gaining wait and also not be getting pregnant. Eventually I gave up on trying to lose the weight and just continued eating and exercising the same way I always did.

When I got pregnant with the triplets, I knew I had to gain a lot of weight. The book I was reading stated that the earlier you start gaining weight the better since it was so likely they would be premature. In the end, I gained another 30 lbs during those 20 weeks. After I delivered, I was instantly 10 lbs lighter. Losing the rest of the weight was a HUGE battle involving vegetable juices, running, yoga, and very carefully watching my diet in general. Once I felt up to it (around 6 weeks post partum) I started working out for a minimum of 2 and a half hours every morning.

The results were frustrating to say the least. It took forever for the scale to budge. My weight would stay the same for a month at a time, then I would suddenly be a few pounds lighter, then get stuck there for another four weeks, and it would just repeat. Finally after 5 months I was back to 130 lbs. Unfortunately this coincided exactly with starting up fertility treatments again. Now I am yet again stuck at 130 lbs no matter what I do and have been there since February.

I realize it could be a lot worse, but it is so frustrating to battle my weight and my fertility at the same time! It also makes me scared that I may never be able to get below 130 lbs again. I have all of these clothes that I love that I cannot fit into and haven’t worn for almost two years, plus I just feel less confident about myself with these extra pounds.

So as a last ditch effort to lose those last few pounds I am going to do some hard core low carbing. I don’t usually eat too many carbs because I am somewhat sensitive to gluten, but I have been trying to restrict my intake the last few weeks. There hasn’t been a change in my weight (although I can’t help but wonder if the lower carbs helped me have better results with my cycle last month), so I decided to really get serious and strictly limit my carbs to 20 grams per day. If this doesn’t work I will officially give up on losing my “fertility treatment weight” for now because I seriously do not know what else I could do.

Anyone have some pointers?

bfn

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Sorry it has been so long since I have posted…lots of things going on with the family lately. Sadly this cycle did not work out for me. I took a pregnancy test on what I think was 11 dpo and got a negative, then got my period earlier than expected on the morning of 13 dpo. Not sure if this means that I ovulated before I took the trigger shot or if my luteal phase was just a little short. I’ll be asking Dr. RE that at our follicular ultrasound on Sunday.

Today I am on cycle day 5, doing the same dose as last cycle of Femara. It will be interesting to see whether things work out as well at this next ultrasound as they did last cycle. I have had some cramping so hopefully something is going on in there…

9dpo and a pregnancy false alarm

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Well today I am 9 days past ovulation and continuing to feel calm, so things are looking good in that regard. Now I have to tell a story that most infertiles will definitely cringe at…

Yesterday was my grandpa’s funeral. It was so wonderful to have our entire family together and we made a whole day of it between the visitation, service, burial, luncheon at the church, and gathering at my aunt and uncle’s house for the rest of the day. The only problem? I got congratulated on being pregnant no less than five times.

Just before the funeral service started, the funeral director gathered my entire extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, even second cousins and great aunts and uncles) to have a prayer and talk about the burial location. He warned us that the burial would be at the top of a steep hill so women in heels should be careful. Then turned to me and said “and those of us that are pregnant should be extra careful, but don’t worry I’ve delivered three babies before.” Now I’m just sitting there thinking what is he talking about? Then I turn around and all my cousins are just staring at me so I just start shaking my head and quietly telling each of them that I am not pregnant and I have no idea why this guy thinks I am. Then throughout the rest of the day various family members keep congratulating me. So I have to keep telling people that no I am not pregnant. Then people would look at me kind of confused (and at my belly). What didn’t help? I was wearing the top in the picture above (gorgeous and from Anthropologie, but due to its flowy-ness just made me look like I was trying to hide something).

At the end of the day we think somehow the rumor got started by someone misunderstanding my grandma (who knew I might be pregnant but that we wouldn’t know for sure for another week). Why the funeral director decided to bring it up I have no idea, it was definitely not his place. Yes I had on a flowy shirt, but it was still pretty obvious that there was no visible baby bump. And let’s be honest, it’s best not to say anything about a woman being pregnant unless you can VERY clearly see a baby bump.

Anyways, I took this little hiccup in stride yesterday. It could have been much worse. For example, if I had just found out that I was most definitely NOT pregnant. At least this all happened while there is hope that it may be true…

5dpo

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Five days into the 2WW and I am doing surprisingly well as far as avoiding over-analyzing and other anxiety-driven behaviors related to pregnancy.  I have been distracted a bit by some unfortunate news – my grandpa passed away yesterday.  We knew it was going to happen sooner than later, but it still hurts.  It is good to know that he is joining my other grandpa and the triplets in heaven though.

My husband is traveling next week for work (he always seems to be gone during the last week of the 2WW).  I haven’t decided when I am going to start testing yet though.  As of now I feel like I can hold out for a while, but that is definitely subject to change with very little notice.  My husband likes to request that I wait to test until he is there but that is pretty difficult for me to do.

So far all I am feeling is moody and extremely tired – not unusual given the hormonal situation.