transfer day

We had the transfer this morning, and are continuing to be very optimistic. I have had several dreams in the last couple weeks about positive pregnancy tests, so hopefully they come true. In one of my dreams I went in for a beta at 8dp5dt (my doctor would not let me come in until 10dp5dt in real life though) and the results came back in the 300’s. I remember in the dream being super freaked out about multiples with that high of a beta so early on. It wasn’t even that high with the triplets. Let’s hope that part of the dream does not happen…

As usual I had some mild cramping immediately after the procedure which always makes me nervous, but I’m trying not to let that stress me out. We spent the rest of the day watching comedy movies and relaxing. Next Tuesday I head down to south Florida for a cruise going from Miami, Key West, and to Cozumel. I have been to all of these places except Key West, but I have been to Key Largo many times because I moved to Naples and then Miami after I graduated from my masters program…I used to take trips to the Keys with friends all the time and always had so much fun. I am really excited to meet up with my Florida friends and have a nice relaxing time during the wait to find out if this transfer worked. I have been back in the Mid-West (where I grew up) for five years now and still cannot stand the winters.

From what I have seen in the infertility blog world, it seems like there are generally two camps for when to take pregnancy tests. Some start testing as early as 5dp5dt, others wait until the day of their beta or even skip the HPT altogether and wait for the blood test results. I could never do that, the amount of anxiety waiting to hear from my doctor, and being in a cubical at work with tons of people around and my husband not there would be way too stressful for me. The weird thing with me is that I seem to vacillate from cycle to cycle between being eager to test super early or being too scared to test before 9dp5dt. This time I know I will be testing early. For some reason I just feel like it is the right thing for me this time. Last cycle I was scared out of my mind to test early because I couldn’t bear to see another negative test. I think at this point I am so confident that those feelings have not come up….although this is subject to change over the next few days. 🙂

invincible

There is something weird going on in my head right now. It is blind optimism. I don’t know if it’s because I feel like what happened last month officially put me at rock bottom, or what but I have this very intense certainty that our bad luck ended with that surgery-gone-wrong. I had to schedule a follow up SHG three weeks after the surgery to see if there was any tissue still in my uterus. In my head I was prepared that most likely there would be and I would need another hysteroscopy. I mean it only made sense…what are the chances that the surgeon punctured the hole in my uterus while she was getting the last bit of tissue out? But my gut told me something different. My gut told me everything would be clear. My gut was right.

Now don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t without a bit of drama and a fair amount of pain. The actual procedure for the SHG had to be done twice because the first catheter was faulty. So that was not fun. Then the doctor saw a small piece of tissue and he was fairly certain it was a piece of my lining, but to be sure he poked at it and squirted saline until it broke off. Let’s just say my uterus was not happy yesterday. My husband even looked like he was gonna pass out while they were doing this…which has never happened to him before.

Anyways, so I got to go in for my baseline today and if things go as planned will likely have the transfer around the 21st. We are planning to take a vacation somewhere tropical and warm the following week so hopefully the dreaded wait is a breeze. But this brings me back to the title of this post. I feel certain this transfer will work. Like so certain that I will be SHOCKED if it doesn’t. I have never experienced such optimism with a transfer before…not even with my first one. Let’s just hope my gut is right…

frustrated

Well I was finally able to get the hysteroscopy scheduled to remove the remaining “products of conception”. The EARLIEST they could do was January 16!! I emailed De. RE to make sure, but I assume this is going to delay our FET because we were supposed to be growing my lining in mid January, which I assume should not be happening. I’m pretty sure I remember hearing they want your lining to be thin for this procedure.

So frustrated…. 😦

back on the wagon

First of all, thanks for all of the wonderful comments and advice. It is sad that so many people have been through this experience, but it was so nice to hear how others handled it.

WARNING: there will be information below describing what my experience going through a miscarriage was like. I won’t get into too much detail, but enough so that others will know what it was like. Proceed with caution.

The last few days have been rough emotionally, but surprisingly not so bad physically. I ended up deciding to take the Misoprostol on Monday night. My expectations were for a miserable experience with lots of pain and bleeding (luckily they gave me a prescription for Vicodin). I assumed I would be passing lots of clots and blood and wouldn’t really know when the “pregnancy” came out. I was wrong.

I started feeling mild contractions about an hour after taking the medication, and within two hours was spotting. When I stood up I could actually tell I was dilated. It was a very weird feeling and brought flashbacks to when I was in labor with the triplets. I was nervous this would happen. I read that walking around would speed things up so after about four and a half hours I got up and just started pacing around the house. Then all of the sudden I felt like something was “there” and ready to come out. I just assumed it was a big clot, but was instantly taken back to the night I delivered Baby A. It felt just like that. I ran to the bathroom and it was very clear I had passed the pregnancy. I did NOT expect to know when it happened. It was very emotional. My bleeding pretty much stopped after this, with just a few very small clots. I was concerned that I was not done since there was way less bleeding and not much physical discomfort. I spoke with my doctor and she thought it would probably be best to take the second dose of Misoprostol to make sure everything was out. I took it 24 hours after the first dose and nothing happened. I went in for an ultrasound today to check on things and my uterus was empty. And right on cue, I got my period as I left the clinic.

I am relieved that things went pretty much as smoothly as they can in these situations, but the emotions are still running high. It is so hard to believe I just lost my fourth baby. It seems so cruel. People always comment on my strength, but I have no choice. I have to keep my head up and keep going. There is no where else to go but forward.

So now I have an SHG scheduled for Monday, and then a bunch of blood tests to look for clotting issues. We will be able to have our next transfer as early as the end of January, which will come quick with the holidays.

Thanks again for all of the love, you guys are amazing!

our fighter

Well 48 hours after my last beta we got over double at 238! I was still nervous but my doctor is very happy. We will now just wait, impatiently, for our first ultrasound which will be around December 9. Looks like my golden birthday will be happy tomorrow after all!

17dp5dt

Well it looks like we have a fighter…my beta this morning is now up to 114. Our doctor feels “pretty good” with how things are progressing. Here is a re-cap:

11dp5dt: beta was 15.8
14dp5dt: beta was 29.2
17dp5dt: beta was 114

I will go in once more on Wednesday to make sure things are continuing to progress before we schedule our 7 week ultrasound. Please keep sending good vibes/prayers/positive thoughts our way for this to be a healthy baby!

29.2

The results are in, and we are just barely less than double our beta since Tuesday. This number is still very low so we are nervous, but at least it is going in the right direction. I will go back in on Monday for the third beta. Still feeling crampy a lot, with occasions where it is more intense…hoping it’s implantation. We were definitely surprised to get an increase….we thought for sure it would be lower because when I took an HPT yesterday the line looked lighter. Fingers crossed that we have a fighter!

this cannot be good

Thanks for all of the kind words yesterday. This is definitely worse than just having another failed cycle, it feels like torture. I’ve had cramping all day, and right now it is very uncomfortable. I feel pretty certain this is going to end badly and soon. This much cramping can’t be normal.

Tomorrow I am going to try my best to act like myself at Thanksgiving, but I think it will be fairly difficult to disguise my sadness. Such a roller coaster we have been on, and it doesn’t seem to end. I guess it will be good to get a more definitive answer on Friday, assuming the lab can get our results done around the holiday. I’m really hoping to not have to wait until Monday to know more.

Happy Thanksgiving

11dp5dt

Not the best day. My beta came back at 15.8 which is definitely lower than I would have liked. My doctor is having me continue all meds (unfortunately including the Prednisone) and come back on Friday for a repeat. Please pray for a miracle for us, because I’m feeling like this just isn’t going to work this time…

didn’t think this would happen…

But PIO has now been replaced by Prednisone for the title of Most Horrible IVF Drug for me. Between icing injection sights and using Weleda arnica ointment, my bum is doing much better this time around.

For this cycle Dr. RE decided we should try extending the Prednisone until I get my beta. I figured nbd, it didn’t bother me when I took it for five days during transfer #2. She did warn me about increased moodiness and insomnia though.

Well apparently this weekend I reached my threshold as far as how long I can take this drug with no serious side effects. I have been experiencing the following:
– major insomnia (followed by lots of daytime fatigue)
– irritability over EVERYTHING
– starving…at all times

Ugh

Anyways so I emailed Dr RE to see if I can stop taking it now that I got a positive. She said I can if I want to. I obviously have been googling the crap out of whether prednisone helps after implantation as far as reducing miscarriage rates and have not found much. I’ll suck it up and keep taking it if it will decrease the chance of losing my baby, but would love to stop taking it.

Anyone out there have experience with this? I am not taking it for a confirmed autoimmune issue, more just to cover my bases since we were out of things we could change each cycle.

UPDATE: Dr. RE clarified that for people who have recurrent unexplained miscarriages there has been one study showing a decreased rate in first trimester miscarriage with Prednisone taken during that time.